LET’S BE GRATEFUL
And remember! your Lord caused to be declared (publicly): "If ye are grateful, I will add more (favours) unto you; But if ye show ingratitude, truly My punishment is terrible indeed."
( 14 Ibrahim : 7)
I just remind my self that I must be grateful. Why do I say so? Gratitude has positive effects on our relationships with others and our overall well-being. Even when times feel hopeless, there is much for which to be grateful. Take a break to make contact with the present moment. Notice the sun shining outside, the feel of the sun’s warmth on our skin, and the colors of the leaves and flowers. And also we are given a healthy body.
Oh, ya I have read an article declaring about the power of gratitude. The article is based on the Research by Kubacka and colleagues (2011) investigated specifically how gratitude influences positive behaviors toward a spouse over time. They found that :
- Spouses feel gratitude for their partners when they perceive their partners’ behavior as being responsive to their needs.
- The feeling of gratitude motivates reciprocal behavior that is responsive back to their partners’ needs.
- When that reciprocal behavior is perceived, feelings of gratitude result in them as well.
- A positive cycle is created over time, with increasing gratitude and loving behavior from both individuals.
Gratitude also has two important influences on positive relationship behavior:
- When we choose to express gratitude toward our partner, we are increasing the chances that we will behave in loving ways in the future.
- When we feel gratitude toward our partner, the chances of our behaving in positiveness
My teacher also gives us many tips as the following:
(1) Feel Gratitude
Begin to actively pay attention to and notice the positive things that your partner does. Many of us have a natural tendency to only become “alert” to negative cues or signs that our partners have done something wrong. It is much more beneficial to strengthening the loving bond of your relationship to “catch your partner doing something positive.” Consider how often your partner does something kind, thoughtful, or loving in your daily lives that might be going unnoticed.
When you choose to become mindful in the present moment, you are increasing the chances of noticing the positive (since you are noticing all aspects of the present moment). Once you begin to really notice more of the positive things that your partner does (for themselves, for you, and for others) you will naturally experience the feelings of appreciation and gratitude more. These feelings of gratitude will prompt you to actively value your partner and treat them well in return.
(2) Show Thanks
When you notice that your partner has done something kind or thoughtful for you, tell them. Let your partner know that you appreciate their thoughtfulness by expressing your gratitude. Consider the personality of your partner and your history together and reflect upon the best ways for you, as a unique couple, to express gratitude. Perhaps your partner would deeply appreciate a genuine “thank you,” or a sweet little note hidden someplace, or a hug at the end of the day. Part of expressing true gratitude to your partner is expressing it in a way that shows you understand and appreciate them.
Choose to go the extra mile of doing something thoughtful for your partner in return. Recognize that expressions of gratitude do not have to be “over the top” or extravagant in any way. Gratitude is most deeply felt when it comes from a genuine heartfelt place. When you do something thoughtful and loving for your partner in return, you are building the positive cycle of gratitude in your relationship.
(3) Look for Appreciation
Gratitude is a motivating force for future loving behavior. It is important that your partner is genuinely grateful for what you do for them in order to build this positive cycle of gratitude. You can begin to experiment with what types of loving behaviors your partner truly appreciates through doing something thoughtful for them and then stepping back to really notice the response. Did they notice, appreciate, and express gratitude for your thoughtfulness in some way?
If your partner does seem to truly appreciate your own loving or thoughtful acts, then the cycle of gratitude is being reinforced. Notice what works and keep it up. If something doesn’t work, let it go. What is the point of continuing to engage in behaviors that are not getting the desired results? In order to effectively build a loving cycle of gratitude, it is important to remain mindful and vigilant to signs of what is working and what isn’t working within your unique relationship dynamic.
(4) Troubleshoot (if needed)
If you believe that your partner is ungrateful in some way, there are a few different approaches you can take:
- Be sure that your thoughtful and loving actions are ones that your partner wants and needs (i.e., not what you want/need).
- Make sure you’re not missing their appreciative behaviors – notice how they tend to give thanks/show gratitude.
- Notice how invested your partner is in your relationship. Doing too much for others and asking or expecting nothing in return can lead to you being taken advantage of or not being appreciated. If this seems to be happening, stop going overboard. Give your relationship some breathing room and allow your partner the space and opportunity to reengage and contribute to the relationship.
- If nothing else seems to work and you have openly and directly communicated with your partner, ask yourself if it is in your best interest to take a step back from the relationship. Reevaluate your options and honestly reflect on what each of you has put into the relationship. If your partner is truly and deeply unappreciative of all that you do, ask yourself why you would be willing to put up with this type of treatment.
Each moment that you spend with your partner and away from your partner provides you with opportunities to notice things for which to be grateful. Noticing the positive does not have to mean “Pollyanna-ish” thinking as long as you are noticing things that truly are positive and keeping the negative things in perspective. Things usually are not “all good” or “all bad.” Reality is usually somewhere in the middle. Begin to notice the positive and loving things that your partner does that you may be overlooking. In this moment you have the choice to begin to build a reciprocal cycle of gratitude in your relationship.