Summarized
by MasKatnoGiri from my Great Ustadzes' advices
How lucky MasKatnoGiri is ,
because He has great Ustadzes who always
advise him everytime. MasKatno Giri is getting older. His first kid has been a
teenager. Educating teens is not easy, needed much more experience and also knowledge. We must be trained to be as successful parents.
MasKatnoGiri always tries to
remember the advices of his ustadz . These
are some of their suggestions:
1.
Building a Masjid or Mushola in your home
Delegate a room, part of the basement
or the living room as the home Masjid. You can do this for less than Rp. 20.000.000,-
Make this Masjid entirely the
responsibility of the kids. Get the eldest to be in charge and to delegate
responsibilities for younger siblings. Responsibilities include keeping the
Masjid clean, waking people up for Fajr, calling the Adhan, etc.
2.
Establishing an Islamic library and choose a
librarian
Equip your home with an Islamic
library with books, video and audio cassettes about various aspects of Islam,
catering to everyone's age and interests.
Get one of your teens to be the
librarian. S/he keeps materials organized and in good condition. Any requests
for materials to be added to the collection have to go through him or her. Give
this librarian a monthly budget for ordering new books, cassettes, etc.
3.
Taking them out.....to Islamic activities
Instead of a fancy dinner at a
restaurant, save your money to take everyone out to the next Muslim community
dinner or activity. Make a special effort to go to events where other Muslim
teens will be present and the speaker caters his/her message to this crowd.
4.
Moving to a predominantly Muslim neighborhood
in your city
Ideally, this should be near the
mosque. This step is necessary if you want to surround your kids with other
Muslim children of more or less the same age on a daily basis.
5.
Helping teens start their own youth group
After living in a Muslim neighborhood
and attending Islamic activities regularly, teens in many cases will develop a
friendship with other Muslims their age. Don't let this end here.
Help them establish a youth group,
not just to learn about Islam, but to go to the amusement park together, go
swimming, etc. Have meetings at members' houses on a weekly or bimonthly basis.
Get this group involved in useful work like cleaning up litter around the
Masjid or visiting senior citizens' homes.This group must have parental
supervision, although teens' decision-making powers should not be interfered
with unless really necessary
6.
Taking parenting more seriously than you would
a full-time job
This means both parents must understand
their children are a trust from Allah, and He will ask how they were raised. If
the children do not grow up practicing Islam because of their parents'
negligence, it is not going to be pretty in this life or the next.
7.
Reducing or change work hours and exchange them
for time with the family
It is better to have one full-time
job, fewer luxuries in the house (i.e. more cars, expensive clothes, a bigger,
fancier home) and more time with the family, than many material things and
absent parents. This goes for mothers AND fathers. Parents can't instill values
in their children if they just aren't there, period. Quit that extra job on the
weekends or in the evenings and instead drive the kids to the mosque for
Halaqas and activities instead. Or consider switching shifts at work so that
you're home when the kids are.
8.
Reading the Quran, understanding its meaning,
for five minutes every day
Just five minutes. Whether it's in
the car during a traffic jam, early morning after Fajr, or right before you go
to bed, read the Quran with a translation and/or Tafseer. Then watch the
snowball effect. You will, Insha Allah, reconnect with Allah, and in the long
run, develop into a role model helping your whole family, not just your teen,
reconnect with Him too.
9.
Attending a weekly PENGAJIAN or Halaqa
Trade playing cards or watching
television on Sunday afternoons for a Halaqa. If you don't have something
already in place during that time slot, help the Imam to set one up. Attend it
vigilantly. The added bonus of this is that when children see their parents
striving to learn about Islam, they will in many cases be encouraged to do the
same.
10. Respecting
your teen
Respecting your teen means not
treating them like inept babies, but like maturing adults, not talking down to
them or humiliating and insulting them. It means involving them in useful
activities around the home and seeking their opinions on matters of importance.
11. Taking
an interest in what they do
Does Noor play hockey in an
all-girls' sports league? Attend Noor's games as regularly as possible. Does
Ihsan collect stamps? See if you can find old letters from your parents in
Malaysia or Lebanon and pass the stamps on them to her. Does Muhsin love
building websites? Visit his site, post a congratulatory e-mail on the message
board and offer some suggestions for the site. Give him a book on advanced web
design as Eid gift.
12. Being
aware of problems and address them
straightforwardly
As you spend more time with your
teen, you will be more able to sense if there is something bothering them.
Don't brush this feeling under the carpet. Address it straight on. But don't do
this in the family meeting or n in front of others. Do it during the next tip.
13. "Dating"
your teenager
While dating is commonly associated
with boy-girl social meetings, the concept can be extended to any meeting
between two people wanting to get to know each other better.
It's especially important to
"date" your children on an individual level once they hit their teens
because they are no longer just "one of the kids". They are young
adults who need attention and guidance on an individual level. You can go out
on a "date" when Sumayya graduates from high school (instead of going
to the prom), when Ahmed gets his driver's license or if you feel there is
something bothering them and you want to address them alone.
14. Not
to just be your teen's parent, be his or
her partner
Making them a partner means giving
them responsibilities within the family. Get 16 year old Amir, who just got his
driver's license, to help his mom with grocery shopping on Saturday's; get 15
year old Jasmine, who loves flowers, to be responsible for the garden and
mowing the lawn. This way, teens will feel a part of the family, included and
needed.
15. Establishing
a TV-free evening and monitor TV watching in general
Parents' biggest competitor for their
children's attention is the T.V. Sound Vision's unTV guide. Monitoring what
everyone watches simply means taking care to remind and help everyone avoid
shows which depict sex, violence and encourage unIslamic activities. Put up a
list of acceptable and unacceptable shows on the wall beside the T.V.
Establishing TV-free evenings means
having one evening of the week when no one, adult, teen or child is allowed to
watch television. Hopefully, this is a first step towards general TV reduction
in the home. This is an ideal time to have the next tip.
16. Having
weekly family meetings
The purpose: to find out what is
going on in everyone's lives and to consult the family on important issues.
Hanan started attending a Halaqa, Imran just returned from a Muslim youth camp,
Bilal aced the last algebra test. The point is not to just give this news in
point form. It's to elicit discussion and communication between everyone, and
to keep up-to-date about what is going on in everyone's life, which gets harder
when kids become teenagers.
This is also the place to consult the
family and decide on major issues affecting everyone: a move to another city; a
marriage of one of the family members; difficulties with a bully in school,
etc.
Please note: Shura in the family does
not mean a majority vote determines what to do about a situation. While the
parents remain in charge, teens and younger children voice opinions and suggestions
parents will consider in making a final decision about a matter.
17. Providing
the right role models-What would Abu Bakr have done?
Apart from being a role model
yourself by trying to practice Islam, make sure you provide teens with reading
material about the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) and his
Companions (Sahaba), both the men and the women. Otherwise, the characters on
the programs your kids watch on television may become their
"Sahabas".
Discuss what a Companion may have
done in a situation relevant to teens' lives. What would Abu Bakr Siddiq do if
he saw a someone selling answers to the grade 11 math final exam? What would
Aisha have done is she was confronted with the opportunity to cheat her
parents?
18. Reading
books on Positive Parenting
These can be books written by
Muslims, but even books by non-Muslims can help. However, just be ready and
make sure you are able to identify what is Islamically acceptable versus what
is not.
19. Geting
them married early
A Muslim teenager facing this is in a
tough position: succumb to the temptations or try really, really hard not to.
Getting them married early (check out some tips for parents) will ease the
pressure, and they don't have to stop their studies to do this. Remember, as a
parent you will also be partly responsible if your son or daughter wanted to
marry, you stopped them and they ended up having sex outside of marriage. You
should also remember when undertaking this step not to force your son or
daughter to marry someone they do not like.
20. Last
but not least-Praying
Praying. It is really Allah who
guides and misguides, but if you've done your job as a parent, Insha Allah,
keeping your teen a practicing Muslim will be easier to do than if you had
neglected this duty. As well, make prayer for your teen in front of them. This
reminds them how much you love them and your concern for them.
Learning to be an advicer
BalasHapus